dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
