I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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