is your mom at the bar?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
