I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
