dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
