What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
