Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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