How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
