Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
