someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
