My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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