We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
