I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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