Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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