I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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