i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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