is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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