I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
