drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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