all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
