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Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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