She is in my trunk
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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