The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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