just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
