i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
