omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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