I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
