I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
sarcasm needs its own font
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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