I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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