we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
