those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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