I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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