Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
