dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
where are my eyebrows?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
