Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
