Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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