I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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