No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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