So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
