Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
