I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
