During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
