she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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