dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
