i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
