If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
