ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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