I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
