i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
