He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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