You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
