I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
