nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
