it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
