I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
