Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You took a bar mat shot.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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