i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
