I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
