bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
