3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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