Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
its liver damage thursday
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
