he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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