He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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