Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
