i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
it's like iHOP with fire
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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